Friday, October 15, 2010

Preview of my Training: Caught in the Web: Cybersex, Romance, and Fantasy Addiction

This is a preview on my upcoming training on Caught in the Web: Cybersex, Romance, and Fantasy Addiction

Negative Aspects of Internet Romance Addiction
• Deterioration of personal boundaries
• Seeking multiple and simultaneous romantic partners
• Starting “relationships” with virtual strangers
• Going on a string of dates to find the “trophy”
• Texting, chatting or phone calls that never seem to end
• The need for instant gratification creates “instant dates”
• Premature sexual dialogue/experiences
• Early eroticization of the relationship
• Planning for early sex
• Culminating in cybersex
• Erotic fantasy sexualizes the courtship process
• First encounters culminate in sex
• Dishonesty
• Hiding profiles to avoid recognition of true identity
• Lies and misrepresentations increase desirability
• About dating history or dating patterns
• About intentions
• About age, weight, body type
• About marital, job, career or financial status
• About STD’s

Emotional Consequences
• Pervasive feelings o Negative Aspects of Internet Romance Addiction
• Excessive Spending/Costs
• Dating site memberships
• Cost of dates (drinks, dinners, travel, trips, etc.)
• Travel Costs
• Lifestyle costs (clothing, jewelry, cosmetic surgery, etc.)
• Loss of time
• Living dual lives
• Decreased amounts of sleep
• Chats and telephone calls become consuming
•Loss of Loved Ones
• Family, relationships, marriage, friends, etc
• Loneliness
• Retreating into a make-believe world
• Making low self esteem lower
• Creating anxiety and/or depression
• Risk of harm or violence (i.e., date rape)
• Power and control differential
• Exploitation of personal information (Identity theft)

Love or Romance Addiction

• The euphoria of a new relationship numbs pain (problems go away)
• Obtaining “fix” requires endless hours of searching
• The “fix” is temporary, resulting in a cycle of despair
• New relationships “medicate” the pain of last failed relationship
• The need to feel normal or stop the pain fuels the addiction
• Love addicts need the rush of “new love” or limerence
• Love addicts maintain their fix by:
• “Hooking” partner through seduction, control & manipulation
• Recreating excitement and euphoria
• Through sex (the binding force)
• Through drama or chaos
• Constant searching
• Endless intrigue, flirtations, sexual liaisons & affairs
• Results in negative consequences

Signs of Romance Addiction
• Thinking you are in love despite just meeting the person
• Mistaking sex or romantic intensity for love
• Constantly seeking a romantic partner
• Short, intense, and conflict based relationships
• Pattern of failed relationships
• An inability or difficulty in being alone
• Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner
• Using sex or romantic intensity hide or cover (“medicate) problems
• Needing a relationship to feel safe, happy and optimistic
• “Dating” abusers, narcissists, addicts, & emotionally unavailable
• While in a relationship, flirting and/or having an affair
• Pattern of broken promises to stop the pattern of behavior
• Sacrificing time with friends or family to pursue romantic interests
• Avoiding relationships to control the addictiond/or decreases stress.

Friday, September 17, 2010

I Am Presenting at the IAODAPCA Fall 2010 Conference

On October 27, 2010, I will presenting at IOADAPCA'S 2010 Fall Conference.Download the complete brochure. I will be presenting a 3 hour training entitled: Entangled by the Web: Sex, Romance, Porn and Fantasy Addiction. This training covers a vast area regarding porn addiction, cybersex addiction, romance addiction, internet dating addiction, Facebook addiction, virtuality site addiction, online gaming addiction, and other related topics. This training is similar to the July 23 AATP training. More information will be forthcoming.

Download the full brochure

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Its Official!

Today was a big day for Clinical Care Consultants. Today I signed a 5 year lease at 3325 N Arlington Heights Road, Suite 400 B, Arlington Heights, IL. The office is on Arlington Heights Rd., one block south of Dundee Road on the East side of Arlington Heights Road. Our grand opening is scheduled for November 1st. More exciting than signing the lease was signing consultant contracts with three very talented and diverse clinicians. I am proud to introduce Dick Levon, LCSW; Eres Rapree, M.A., LCPC; and Heather Brown, PsyD. The four of us will create CCC's Arlington Heights counseling agency. Arlington Heights and Buffalo Grove Illinois will have a new counseling agency where expert and/or specialist clinicians work hard, smart, and with a lot of heart to help the clients with whom they work. For more information about CCC, check out our website at CCC WEBSITE

Friday, July 30, 2010

Job Posting: Seeking LIcensed Psychotherapist

I am seeking full-time and part-time licensed psychotherapists (Masters or Doctoral level) to join my practice in Buffalo Grove. The clinicians I am seeking will have psychotherapy/counseling experience and will be able to function independently. Clinicians with existing case load and a referral base in the Buffalo Grove area are preferred. All staff will receive clinical and administrative supervision as well as coaching/mentoring in building a client base/practice, marketing, and networking. Assistance in joining insurance networks will be provided. Full-time annual earnings can exceed $100K a year. This individual will be hired as a consultant and asked to pay an administrative fee for practice benefits.

I am a successful and very busy practitioner who has a solid local and statewide reputation. I will be moving into my new location in November. Over the last three years, I have averaged 35 clients a week while working Monday through Friday 8am to 5pm. In other words, the clinician who works with me should anticipate a successful collaborative and referral rich experience. Please send a resume and cover letter to


Sunday, June 20, 2010

2010 Trainings

On October 27, 2010, I will be a part of IOADAPCA'S 2010 Fall Conference. I will be presenting a 3 hour training entitled: Entangled by the Web: Sex, Romance, Porn and Fantasy Addiction. This training will be similar to the July 23, 2010 training, except that it will include information about virtual reality and online gaming addiction. More information will be forthcoming.

On Friday, July 23, 2010, I will be providing two half day seminars (3 CEU's each): "Ethics in the 21st Century" and "Internet Addiction" at Prairie Heart Institute, 619 E. Mason Street, Springfield, IL. The "Caught in the Internet Web, Complications of Internet Relationship and Romance Addiction" training will be video taped and later available on DVD through AATP. For more information click on this link: AATP Training

Ethics in the 21st Century
The emphasis of this seminar is on professional ethics for the therapists that focus on the clinical relationship between counselor and client. Issues of counselor self-awareness and the health of the therapist will be addressed as well the issue of the range of one's competencies. Newer ethical challenges therapist's face due to the new media will discussed -- texting, emailing, voicemail messages, social networking sites, and on-line counseling all raise new ethical concerns and these issues will be explored as well

Caught in the Internet Web, Complications of Internet Relationship and Romance Addiction

This training will emphasize various forms of Internet Addictions or Internet Addiction Disorder. Cybersex, Romance, Internet Dating, Internet Affair, Virtual World, and Social Networking (Facebook) addictions will be explored. Demographics, statistics, addictive processes, diagnostic criteria, are other areas that will be emphasized. This training will be video taped and later available on DVD through AATP.For more information click on this link: AATP Training. To register contact AATP (217) 787-9321.

Assessment and Treatment of Sexual Addiction
On May 14, 9:00 am I presented a three hour (3 CEU) training in Hoffman Estates at Alexian Brothers Behavioral Center for Professional Education on "Assessment and Treatment of Sexual Addiction." Information covered in this training included: introductory clinical information regarding sexual addictions, signs, symptoms, and levels of sex addiction. Statistical, demographic, and gender specific information was presented. Topics also covered were concurrent addictions, co-morbid mental illnesses, and 12-Step information. Assessment and Treatment information was the primary focus.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Online Communication Addiction

Here is an outline for a part of a training that I will be doing in the future:


Email Addiction
• The “bell” of Pavlov got replaced by “you’ve got mail” of AOL
• 2005 research: there are 190 million e-mail users worldwide
 6 percent of them could have some form of e-mail addiction
 Approximately 11 million e-mail junkies
• According to AOL Mail’s fourth annual Email Addiction Survey (2008)
 - 46% of email users said they’re hooked on email
 - 51% check their email four or more times a day
 - One in five said they check their email more than 10 times a day.
 - 20% of users said they have over 300 emails in their inboxes!
 - 27% are so overwhelmed they’ve declared “email bankruptcy”
* Deleting all their email messages to start anew.
- 24% signing up for a new email address.
 - 69% of email users have multiple email accounts
 - 62% of at-work email users check email over a typical weekend
 - Nearly 1 in 5 (19%) check email 5 or more times in a weekend.
 - More than 50% check their email while on vacation.

o It’s even higher among mobile users
 - 23% check their email as soon as they wake up
- 11% check their email when they get home from work (11%)
- Right after dinner (9%).
 - 16% said they check their email from a mobile device
 - 41% of mobile email users keep phones near them when they sleep
* So they can hear when a new email comes in.
- 49% of mobile email users check email when a new message arrives.
- 60% have never gone more than 5 days without checking email
- 17% can’t go more than one day without email.
- 11% hide their email behavior from their spouse or family member.

• Signs of Email Addiction
- Checking e-mail more than once an hour.
- Looking at every message that comes in,
as it comes in, either at or away from the office.
- Needing to respond to messages instantly or within minutes of arrival
- Interrupting real, in-person activities to check e-mail.
- When E-mail has, in some way, interfered with regular life activities
- Sleep loss, relationship troubles, stress

o Other Types of Online Communications
- Chat Rooms
- Instant Messaging
- Video Cam
* Skype
 - $153 million in revenue 2009
 - 445 million subscribers
 - 23.6 billion skype-to-skype minutes in Q1, 2009
• Stickam
 - Live-streaming video
 - Featuring both professional and user-generated content
• Chat Roulette
 - An updated version of an old-school chat room
 - Randomly matches people up for video, audio, & text chat
 - By clicking "next" and another randomly selected user appears
 - Most “chats” last only a few seconds.
 - About 35,000 people online at any given time
 - 1.5 million users

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Facebook Addiction

A very interesting CNN video on Facebook Addiction:

Equally interesting news articles:

Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook

An excerpt:
You know you're a Facebook addict when ...
1. You lose sleep over Facebook
"If you're staying up late at night because you're on Facebook, and you're tired the next day, Facebook may be a compulsion for you," Lipari said. "You shouldn't be neglecting yourself because of Facebook."
2. You spend more than an hour a day on Facebook
Pile says it's hard to pinpoint exactly how much is too much time to be spending on social networking.
"I can't imagine that anyone would need more than an hour a day on Facebook, and probably no one needs more than 30 minutes," she said.
3. You become obsessed with old loves
Reconnecting with old friends is one of the great attractions of Facebook, and there's nothing necessarily wrong with "friending" an old boyfriend or girlfriend. But Pile warns that it can get out of hand very quickly.
"One of my clients met up with an old boyfriend on Facebook. They started spending hours and hours into the night talking to each other on Facebook. She made some really inappropriate comments about how unhappy she was in her marriage," Pile said. "Her cousin saw the comments and told her parents, and the parents told the husband, and now they're in the process of getting divorced."
4. You ignore work in favor of Facebook
"If you're not doing your job in order to sneak time on Facebook, you could have a real problem," Lipari said.
5. The thought of getting off Facebook leaves you in a cold sweat

Facebook Syndrome, 8 Ways to Beat Your Facebook Addiction

An excerpt:
Facebook Syndrome: How to tell if you are an internet addict
Before we start you need to find out if you are an addict. Once you have admitted to yourself that you are addicted to your favorite website we can go about giving you some solutions for that problem. Here are some surefire signs that you are addicted:

1. You are late for meetings because you are on Facebook
If you ever late for a meeting or an appointment because you were checking your updates on Facebook or watching a related video on Youtube then you know you are addicted. This is classic addict behavior. It is time to get help.

2. You think about it when you are offline
I have several friends who struggle to get to sleep because they are thinking about the latest game or wondering how their website statistics are looking. If you do this then it could be a sign that you are heading towards a problem.

3. Your friends and family comment on your excessive internet use
When other people around you start to notice that you have a problem it is generally a pretty accurate indicator that you are losing it. If your mates, coworkers or family members have made comments about how much you use the net then you need to read the rest of this post.

4. You check your accounts from your Blackberry
A Blackberry is designed as a business tool. It is supposed to allow you to check your important emails and work materials without having to be in the office. It is not for checking Facebook or Myspace updates while you are having dinner with me. That is just not on. If you use your Blackberry for monitoring your social media accounts then you need help.

5. You get stressed when a Facebook “friend” doesn’t add you
Have you ever noticed yourself getting stressed over something that has happened on Facebook or Myspace? Do you ever feel like your online life is more real than your offline life? If you have been stressed about what rapper you turned out as or what magic egg someone sent you then it is time to open your eyes

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New Website!

I am in the process of publishing a new website. This site (CLICK HERE) is being designed to represent my addictions work, with an emphasis on sexual addiction and sexual co-addiction. Although it is "under construction" please take a look and let me know what you think.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

2010 Trainings

On May 14, 9:00 am I will be providing a three hour (3 CEU) training in Hoffman Estates at Alexian Brothers Behavioral Center for Professional Education on "Assessment and Treatment of Sexual Addiction." For more information click on this link:
Click Here: Alexian Training

On Friday, July 23, 2010, I will be providing two half day seminars (3 CEU's each): "Ethics in the 21st Century" and "When the Web Entangles You: Internet Addiction" at Prairie Heart Institute, 619 E. Mason Street, Springfiled, IL. The "Internet Addiction will be video taped and later available on DVD through AATP. For more information about these trainings,
Click Here: AATP