A Book I May Be Writing

I have been offered an opportunity to write a book for CMI/PESI, the organizations that sponsor some of my training seminars. I will find out in a few weeks if we are moving forward with the book plans. But in the meantime, I wanted to share the introduction on my blog.

http://blog.clinicalcareconsultants.com/a-proposal-for-a-book-i-may-write/


Don’t Dance: Breaking Free from Emotional Manipulators
By Ross A. Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC

This book is about real-life relationships – common everyday relationships – relationships that many of us have experienced but wished we didn’t. In this book, I will explain the very human ache to be understood, connected and loved; the innate emotional, physical and sexual drive to find our “dream” romantic partner. This “love drive” motivates us to seek our perfect mate, who we hope will instinctively comprehend our struggles, validate our pain, affirm our dreams and, most of all, co-create an explosion of emotional and sexual excitement. We can’t help it; we are naturally designed to seek someone who will share with us our desire for everlasting love.

Since the dawn of the first romantic kiss, men and women have been magnetically and irresistibly drawn into romantic relationships, not so much by what they see, feel and think, but more by an invisible and irresistible force. When individuals with healthy emotional backgrounds meet, the result is a loving, reciprocal and stable relationship. However, when Codependents and Emotional Manipulators meet, they are enveloped in a magnetic and seductive “love force,” it begins like a fairytale, but later unfolds into a painful “seesaw” of love/pain and hope/disappointment. The soul mate of the Codependent’s dreams becomes the Emotional Manipulator of his/her nightmares.

It is my belief that we all fit somewhere on my “Continuum of Self.” All of us have a “self-orientation,” which is a personality type that is either oriented toward the care and needs of others or the care and needs of self. My model accounts for the full range of relationship possibilities, from healthy to dysfunctional. On the farthest ends of my continuum lie the Codependents and the Emotional Manipulators. In this book, I will tie together my continuum-of-self concept and the ubiquitous “love force” that affects each and every person who desires to find the romantic partner of their dreams.

I will explain why patient, giving and selfless individuals (Codependents) are predictably attracted to self-centered, selfish and controlling partners (Emotional Manipulators). Like “clockwork,” Codependents and Emotional Manipulators find themselves habitually and irresistibly drawn into a relationship that begins with emotional and sexual “highs,” but later transforms into a painful and disappointing relationship (the “dance”).
In this dance, Codependents and Emotionally Manipulators are naturally and unconsciously attracted. This dance is paradoxical in nature because the two disparate, but perfectly matched, people participate in a dance that begins as thrilling and exciting, but ends up rife with drama, conflict and feelings of being trapped. Within the comprehensive understanding of the nature of this dysfunctional relationship dance lies the hope for a sustainable and life-affirming romantic relationship.

This unique, fresh and innovative relationship model will explore the traits, symptoms and origins of both Codependency and various Emotional Manipulation Disorders (Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial). Both mental health professionals and the layman alike will learn what drives and sustains the Emotional Manipulator and Codependent relationship.

In this book, I will examine the intricacies of relationship dynamics shared by the Codependent and the Emotionally Manipulative personality types. The attraction dynamic will be illustrated through my Continuum of Self model, as well as through other theoretical examples. The model ties together the complex web of underlying psychological forces that inescapably draws the Emotional Manipulators and Codependent into an enduring relationship. The reader will gain an appreciation for the nature of these binding relationships, which are often immune to personal or professional assistance.

The Codependent reader will learn that they may have a broken “relationship picker.” They will learn about their propensity to pick Emotionally Manipulative partners, while also learning how to disengage from their destruction relationship pattern. Armed with an understanding of this “magnetic” relationship force, the corrective psychotherapy process can be empowering, focused and effective. At the end of the day, the reader will have a deeper understanding of Emotional Manipulation, Codependency and the relationship dynamic that keeps them tied together.

Public Access Cable Show (video 2)

On Public Access Cable Talking About Divorce

Female Sex Addiction: Understanding Gender Differences

Female Sex Addiction: Understanding Gender Differences
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Clinical Care Consultants
Arlington Heights, IL

Unlike alcohol or drug addiction, there is still no formal diagnosis for sex addiction. To make matters worse, female sex and love addiction is similarly not recognized as a bona fide addiction disorder. However, most addiction specialists agree that it has risen to epidemic proportions (R. Weiss, 2011).
The term sex addiction was coined by Patrick Carnes. Carnes first used the term in his 1983 seminal book on the topic: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Carnes is largely responsible for popularizing the study and treatment of sex addiction, as well as establishing a valid and commonly used diagnosis.

Because most statistics are based on sex addicts who seek treatment, statistical representation of this disorder is considered to be low. Women are less likely than a man to seek help for her problem sexual behavior for a variety of reasons – mostly related to shame. (Weiss 2011). Research and treatment fields have directed little attention to women’s struggle with this addiction. Other than an early treatment by Charlotte Kasl (author of Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power) and some writings by Carol Ross and Jennifer Schneider, sex addiction in women has been largely ignored (Feree, 2001).
According to Patrick Carnes, 3% of the total U.S. population is female sex addicts. In other words, of all American sex addicts, 37.5% are female. Carnes’ research also indicates that approximately 20% of those seeking help are female. This statistic is consistent with similar statistics regarding females seeking alcohol treatment (Carnes, 1983). According to Robert Weiss (2011), an international sex addiction expert, author, educator and founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute, 8 to 12% of those seeking sexual addiction treatment are women.

Over the last 30 years multiple nationally recognized researchers have studied, validated and come to agree that sex addiction is indeed a legitimate compulsive disorder (Coleman, 1995; Goodman, 1993, 1998; Irons & Schneider, 1999; Kafka & Hennon, 1999; Money, 1986; Orford, 1978; Schneider, 1991; Schneider & Irons, 1996; Finlayson, Seal & Martin 2001; Goodman 1992.

Statistical support for the prevalence of sex addiction is starting to build. According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, a nationally known speaker and expert on sex addiction issues and recovery, estimates that 5-8% of Americans are sex addicts. The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity estimates that between 6-8% of Americans are addicted to sex. Mary Ann Miller, a psychologist who founded the Chicago chapter of Sexual Addicts Anonymous (SAA), estimates that up to 6% of Americans are (sex) addicts. Robert Weiss, another well-known expert and founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute, guesses that 3-5% of the U.S. population suffers from sexual addiction. The Mayo Clinic estimates that 3-6% of adults in the United States are sex addicts. It is estimated that in the U.S. there is between 9,200,000 (3%) and 24,500,000 (8%) individuals who are sexually addicted.

Sexually compulsive behavior has existed at all times in human history. Sexual excess and debauchery have been described and documented at the beginning of written history. Ancient Greeks used the term nymphomania to describe uncontrollable and excessive female sexual behavior. In the 17 century, the legend of Don Juan described a rogue and a libertine hypersexual man who was famous for seducing women. Don Juanism, after Don Juan…has since denoted male hypersexuality (Finlayson, Seal, & Martin 2001).

In 1886 Richard Krafft-Ebbing wrote the seminal work Psychopathia Sexualis, in which he documented cases of pathological hypersexual behavior. In this book Krafft-Ebbing described cases of hypersexual men and women who were powerless over their compulsion to engage in sexual activity. He described this hyper-sexuality as a “dreadful scourge for its victim, for he is in constant danger of violating the laws of the state and of morality, of losing his honor, his freedom, and even his life.”

Our societal gender bias significantly affects the accurate statistical representation of female sex addiction. A society that regards male hyper-sexuality in positive terms has created a shameful backdrop and societal prejudice for women. Hypersexual men are commonly considered virile or studs” whereas hypersexual women are considered sluts, whores or nymphomaniacs. These unfair and egregiously incorrect conceptions of sex hyper-sexuality and addiction have marginalized and minimized the seriousness of female sex addiction. Gender bias is also found in addiction-related research. In most addiction studies, females are underreported; underdiagnosed and overlooked (S. O’Hara). For example, the American Medical Association recognized male alcoholism as a disease in 1956; but it was not until the late 1980s that significant findings regarding female alcoholism was represented in research studies.

Sexual addiction in women rarely receives the same research and popular media attention received by men, so it continues to be underreported and minimized. Moreover, media and news coverage seems to cover female and male sex addiction differently. Female sex addicts are often portrayed as manipulative, power hungry, sex crazed and shameless individuals. On the popular VH1 reality series, “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew (Pinsky),” female sex addicts are mostly porn stars. On the other hand, media reports on male sex addicts include powerful celebrities whose sex drive has led them astray (Tiger Woods, Michael Douglas and David Duchovny). At the end of the day, men seem to remain famous, while the “famous” female sex addicts’ careers crumble and end in shame and disrespect.

There seems to be a mistaken assumption that sexual addiction is a “one size fits all” disorder. This could not be further from the truth. Female addiction is often misunderstood, incorrectly diagnosed and inappropriately and ineffectively treated. Although female and male addiction shares many similarities, female addiction is distinctly different.

In actuality, sex addiction tends to parallel our society’s gender stereotypes. For example, men tend to prefer face-to-face anonymous contact and are more aggressive and dominant. They typically favor sexually explicit chat, cyber-porn and interactive sexual play - virtual and in person. They gravitate toward the voyeuristic forms of sexual behavior, i.e., chronic masturbation, Internet pornography, strip clubs and the use of real-time videos (webcams). The goal for most male sex addicts is to seek sexual stimulation – not the sexually stimulating relationship. To the male addict, the euphoric fix is in the act, not the relationship.

Another gender difference in sex addiction is found in the relational boundaries of the acting out behavior. Men tend to maintain distinct and clear emotional boundaries with the object of their compulsive and lustful desires – not as often seeking a romantic or personal experience. They seek sexual opportunities that come from discreet, anonymous and disconnected hookups. To the typical male sex addict, the relationship is the vehicle by which his lustful obsessions and compulsions are satiated. If there is a relationship, it is often fantasy based – lasting just long enough to satisfy his out-of-control pursuit of sexual contact. For the typical sexually addicted male, at the conclusion of the sexual act – usually at orgasm – he becomes disconnected, disinterested and even repelled by the object of his lust.

It is important to note that females can also look like stereotypical male sex addicts, as males can also look like stereotypical female sex addicts.

Female Sex Addiction Myths
Female sex addiction has been largely underrepresented because of misunderstandings and the subsequent development of myths. Such myths or commonly-held erroneous beliefs have contributed to the ignorance, fear, shame and consequent silence concerning female sex addiction (Ferree 2011).

Myth One: Females Cannot Be Sex Addicts.
Within the addiction treatment field, it is a well-known fact that women, like men, can be addicted to sex. However, the general public believes that sexual compulsivity is mostly a male phenomenon. The belief that women do not struggle with sexual compulsivity comes from societal prejudices, double standards and ignorance rooted deeply in the American culture. A female sex addict, like her male counterpart, is addicted to uncontrollable compulsive sexual behavior. Even with the similarities, women tend to use sex for power, control and attention. Women score high on measures of fantasy sex, seductive role sex, trading sex and pain exchange (S. O’Hara).

Prior to the mid 1950’s, women who had sex outside of marriage were subjected to harsh and unfair judgment. Female sexuality outside of marriage, especially masturbation, was viewed as the closest thing to moral bankruptcy. It was with the 1953 Kinsey study, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, that normative data regarding female sexuality was made available to the public at large. The Kinsey Reports played a significant role in changing the public perception of female sexuality. Fifty-eight years later, women with aberrant sexual behavior, such as sex addiction, are still viewed through the lens of hypocrisy and condemnation. That which was acceptable for men was considered ugly and perverted for women.

A myopic society that scorns rejects and unfairly judges female sex addiction (while being more tolerant with men) places roadblocks for support, education and counseling/treatment. A fear of being disparaged, blamed, shunned and, ultimately, isolated by their loved ones prevents many women from feeling safe enough to seek help. It is no wonder that women sex addicts maintain their silence and secrecy about their addiction.

Myth Two: Female Sex Addicts Are Only Addicted to Relationships or Love - Not Sex.
Even though most female sex addicts are relationship or love addicts, many others are addicted to sex, masturbate compulsively, use pornography, engage in a variety of Internet sexual activities, have affairs with multiple partners, engage in anonymous sex or phone sex and are exhibitionists. According to Kelly McDaniel, licensed professional counselor and author of Ready to Heal: Women Facing Love, Sex and Relationship Addiction, therapists have recently seen more women with (sex addiction)…in connection with Internet porn, which has become a gender-neutral addiction. According to Ms. McDaniel, until recently, female sex addicts generally tended to have affairs or become sex workers.

Most female addicts avoid the term sex addiction because it carries negative connotations of sexual perversion, nymphomania and promiscuity. When given a choice, women prefer the romantic and nurturing connotations of loveor relationship addiction. The sex addiction label is resisted because women are often not motivated by the pursuit of sex only – but instead by a deep and insatiable desire for love, acceptance, affection and affirmation. Naturally, female sex addicts prefer a term that represents their femininity.

Myth Three: Women Who Are Sex Addicts Know About Their Problem.
Rarely do women identify themselves as sex addicts. Similarly, when a sexually addicted female seeks mental health services, it is likely that the clinician will misdiagnose her. It is common for untrained clinicians to only diagnose a comorbid (co-occurring) mental health problem, while completely missing the sex addiction diagnosis. As a result of a scarcity of research, training and effective screening protocols, the female sex addict who is in denial of her problem is likely to interface with professionals who share her ignorance and denial systems.

If sex is the core addiction, it may be hidden beneath a more obvious and less shameful concurrent addiction. Having more than one addiction, women are prone to only seek professional help for the addiction that is more obvious and socially acceptable. Shame, embarrassment and fear of consequences, i.e., divorce or social alienation, may push the sex addiction – the primary or core addiction - to the addict’s unconscious. Simply, sex addiction is easier to deny than another addiction such as alcohol or drugs.

Myth Four: Consequences Are the Same for Females and Males.
Although female sex addicts experience the same consequences as men, a societal sexual double standard also creates more painful and harsher consequences. Additionally, women are more prone to suffer health concerns such as unwanted pregnancies or sexually-transmitted diseases. Because of the power and strength differential of men and women, women face a higher probability of physical harm such as rape or aggravated battery. Women suffer unique and agonizing consequences because they often feel responsible for the shame, embarrassment and punishing social judgment that their male partner and children endure.




A Sexual Double Standard

Our culture/media encourages women to be sexually provocative and available, while holding them in contempt if they cross the boundary of society-determined rules concerning sexual decency. Male sex addicts are afforded greater tolerance and freedom than females. The belief that women and men are held to different standards of sexual conduct is pervasive in contemporary American society. According to the sexual double standard, men are rewarded and praised for heterosexual sexual contacts, whereas women are derogated and stigmatized for similar behaviors. (Kreager & Staff, 2009)

Sexual double standards date back to earliest recorded history. Biblical archeologists and religion historians point to frequent sexist and misogynist references in religious documents and art. These scholars believe that references to sexism in religious texts were at least partially influenced by patriarchal, tribal, violent and intolerant societies. The sexual double standard also can be traced back to the 13th century during the crusades when a knight required his lady to wear a chastity belt to ensure her sexual fidelity. As hard as it may be to believe, this punishing and humiliating device is still in use today; in 2004, the USA Today reported that a 40-year old British woman set off a security alarm because of her steel chastity belt. This woman said her husband had forced her to wear the device to prevent an extramarital affair while on vacation in Greece.

Yet another historical reference of sexual double standard is illustrated in Nathanial Hawthorne’s classic novel,“The Scarlet Letter, which was written in 1850. The main character, Hester Prynne, was placed in prison with her infant daughter for conceiving a child through an adulterous affair. Hester struggled to redeem herself in a society that was harshly judgmental and punishing to females who defied the sexual mores of her time. Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter has become a symbol of modern society’s harmful, harsh and punishing sexual double standard.

Fifty-eight years after the publishing of the The Scarlet Letter, Sigmund Freud further perpetuated the myth of sexual inequality in his 1908 article On the Sexual Theories of Children, in which he introduced the concept of penis envy. According to Freud, the defining moment of gender and sexual identity for a woman occurs when she realizes that she doesn’t have a penis. Freud believed that girls wished they were born with penises instead of vaginas. Critics of Freud’s work argue that he was a patriarch, anti-feminist and misogynistic. One could argue that Freud was merely a product of the sexually repressed Victorian society in which he lived.

Even today, the double standard continues to be inexorably entwined in our culture - so much so now that women themselves are guilty of discriminating against their own gender. A significant percentage of women judge highly sexually experienced women more negatively than men (Milhausen and Herold, 1999). It is still commonplace for women's sexual histories to be used against them in workplace harassment cases or in cases of sexual assault (Valenti, 2009). The double standard creates a dangerous backdrop for women who are considering getting help for their sexual addiction.





Concurrent Addictions

Especially with sex addiction, addictive disorders tend to coexist or fit together (Carnes, 1983). Concurrent addictions, which are multiple addictions that are simultaneous expressed and/or ritually connected, are quite common for female addicts. Examples include smoking marijuana before going online, drinking alcohol before an Internet date to lower inhibitions and taking stimulants in order to surf the net all night. Concurrent addictions, like alcoholism, may have been started to hide or numb the pain or shame caused by out-of-control sexual compulsions. Alcohol, especially, lowers inhibitions and alleviates anxiety – making the sexual acting out more pleasurable and easier. Rarely does a sex addict have just one addiction (Carnes, 1983). Carnes’ research on sexual addictions revealed that 83% of sex addicts reported multiple addictions:

• Chemical dependencies - 42%
• Eating disorders - 38%
• Compulsive overworking - 28%
• Compulsive spending - 26%
• Compulsive gambling - 5%


Four Categories of Female Sex Addiction (Feree, 2001)
Female sex addicts may be categorized (in order of prevalence) into four groups: Relationship Addict, Pornography or Cybersex Addict, Stereotypical Sex Addict and Sexual Anorexic.


Category One: The Female Love or Relationship Addict
Female love addicts compulsively seek total immersion in a relationship – real or imagined. The lust for an intoxicating relationship becomes a dramatic obsession that may be stronger and more compelling than the overwhelming desire for sex. Love addiction creates an illusion of power, control and even dominance. Love addicts compulsively seek exciting, exhilarating and mood-altering relationships, which by definition are unstable. They practice serial monogamy: seeking multiple relationships, which begin with intense passion but end relatively quickly. These unhealthy relationships become the organizing principle of the love addict’s life. According to a renowned expert on love addiction, Pia Mellody, it is dependent on, enmeshed with and compulsively focused on taking care of another person (1992). Like any addiction, the drug or process, in this case the relationship, persists despite the addict having no control over it and suffering obvious negative effects.

Female love addicts are habitually preoccupied with romance, intrigue or fantasy. They are driven by an insatiable desire for a romantic “fix,” which requires a steady stream of new and exciting short-term romantic monogamous relationships. They rely on their exhibitionistic and seductive “powers” to “feed” their addiction. They are entranced by the intoxicating “high” initiated at the point when they meet their love object. Beginning with hope, excitement and a huge desire, these relationships usually devolve into disinterest; disillusionment and conflict. The euphoric “fix” escalates and then maintains until the relationship does not deliver the drug-like euphoria anymore. Like with other addicts, female love addicts try, but never succeed in satisfying their insatiable and compulsive need of romantic euphoria – their drug of choice.

Signs of Love or Romance Addiction:
 • Thinking you are in love despite just meeting (love at first sight)
• Valuing the time spent with love object over time and attention needed for self
• Relationships create feelings of safety, happiness and optimism
• Mistaking sexual or romantic intensity for healthy love
• Constantly “on the prowl” for a romantic partner
• Short, intense and conflict-based relationships
• Pattern of failed relationships
• Using sex, seduction and intrigue to hook or hold onto a partner
• Using romantic intensity to hide, cover or “medicate” emotional pain, conflict or problems
• Pattern of “dating” abusers, narcissists and addicts (emotionally unavailable, distant and harmful)
• Flirting and/or having an affair while in a relationship
• Pattern of broken promises to stop the behavior/addiction
• Sacrificing time with friends or family to act out
• Avoiding relationships to control the addiction

Unlike sex addicts, love addicts tend to act out within a relationship. Often, they are unable to avoid or let go of toxic relationships, even if they are unhappy, depressed, lonely, neglected or in danger. Typically, love addicts are disinterested in the sexual aspect of the romance, including orgasm. The pull and the power of the “love” in love addiction almost always exceeds the addict’s sexual desires. It is not unusual for the female addict to report apathy or even dislike of sexual activity, including orgasm. Love addicts tend to use sex to manage their feelings or to control their partner – the co-addict. To the love addict, the sexual experience is a means to the end. According to the Love Addiction Anonymous (LAA) website, unlike sex addicts, love addicts crave an emotional connection and will avoid, at any cost, separation, anxiety and loneliness.

Many female love and relationship addicts report that they are addicted to the intoxicating, intense and all-consuming feelings experienced in the attraction phase of a relationship. This “rush” is described in Dorothy Tennov’s 1979 book, “Love and Limerence: the Experience of Being in Love.” Tennov coined the term “limerence,” which she described as an involuntary state of mind that results from a romantic attraction to another person, combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.

Symptoms of Limerence (Tennov, 1979):
• Intrusive thinking about the limerent object (‘LO’)
• Acute longing for reciprocation
• Mood fluctuations based on LO's actions
• Can only feel it with one person at a time
• All-consuming obsession that the LO will relieve the pain
• Preoccupation (fear) with rejection
• Incapacitating and uncomfortable shyness in the beginning
• Intensification through adversity
• An aching `heart' (in the chest) when there are doubts
• Buoyancy (walking on air) with reciprocation
• Intense obsessions demotivate the person from other responsibilities (friends, family, work)
• Emphasis is placed on positive attributes of the LO, while ignoring the negative

Category Two: The Female Cybersex Addict
Cybersex is virtual sex where sexually explicit material is viewed or exchanged to evoke a sexual response. The cybersex addicts act out their sexual compulsions through the use of and involvement with the Internet. Cybersex requires vivid, visceral and sexually evocative sexual stimuli. Female cybersex addicts typically do not meet in person, but in virtual places, i.e., email, chat rooms, with video cams, prolonged email interactions and role-playing activities. While creating a safer experience, anonymity often enhances the sexual excitement for the female cybersex addict. Cybersex addicts usually act out together in virtual places through masturbatory activities. Female cybersex addicts are more prone to have phone contact or seek relationships through their activities (Schneider, 2011).


Cybersex Addiction Activities
• Viewing and masturbating to Internet pornography (photos or videos
• Live webcam sexual interaction
• Sexual membership sites (Swingers, BDSM, etc.)
• Membership in cyber affair sites (AshleyMadison.com)
• Seeking sex through personal sex ads (Craigslist or Backpages)
• Participating on sex-related chat sites
• Adult dating sites (Adult Friend Finder)
• Cell phone hook-up applications
• GPS hook-up applications (Grindr)

Category Three: The Female Sex Addict
Female sex addicts can fit the stereotypical male pattern of sexual addiction. This is an addiction driven by a lustful and compulsive preoccupation with a sexual activity. Sex addicts typically engage in chronic masturbation, with or without pornography, and have anonymous sex with individuals who they either met online or picked up in a bar or other public place. To the female sex addict, the relationship is less important than the thrill of the sexual experience. While female sex addicts are less voyeuristic, they are more exhibitionistic. Typically, they are exotic dancers or strippers, prostitutes or women who sell sex or trade it for something desired.

Female sex addiction occurs with the same 11 behavioral forms of sexual addiction that Patrick Carnes outlined in his breakthrough book on sex addiction, Out of the Shadows. It should be noted that despite the commonalities, there are clear gender differences and gender behavior preferences.
Behavioral Forms of Sexual Addiction
1. Fantasy Sex – Sexually charged fantasies, relationships and situations
2. Seductive Role Sex- Seduction of partners
3. Anonymous Sex — High-risk sex with unknown persons
4. Paying for Sex – Purchasing of sexual services
5. Trading for Sex – Selling or bartering sex for power
6. Voyeuristic Sex – Visual arousal
7. Exhibitionistic Sex – Attracting attention to the body or sexual parts of the body
8. Intrusive Sex – Boundary violations without discovery
9. Pain Exchange – Being humiliated or hurt as a part of the sexual arousal
10. Object Sex – Masturbating with objects
11. Exploitive Sex — Exploitation of the vulnerable


Category Four: Sexual Anorexia
The term sexual anorexia has been used to describe sexual aversion disorder (DSM code 302.79), a state in which the patient has a profound disgust and horror at anything sexual in themselves and others (P. Carnes, 1998). The title of Carnes’ 1997 book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, describes the sex or love addict’s psychological motivation for this disorder - contempt and self-hatred – often for their sex or love addiction.
Sexual anorexia is the inverse of sexual addiction. Sexually anorexic women are as compulsive with their aversion to sex as sex addicts are trying to have sexual experiences. Sexual anorexics suppress or repress their sexually addictive compulsions by denying their own sexuality, avoiding all sexual encounters, rebuking others for any and all sexual interest and/or vehemently condemning others for their sexual proclivities or desires. Sexual anorexia includes a binge/purge cycle, during which a woman may uncontrollably sexually act out for an extended period of time, and which may be followed by a sexual shutdown – avoiding all forms of sexual expression and activity.
Symptoms of Sexual Anorexia (Carnes, 1993):
• Persistent fear of intimacy, sexual contact, sexual pleasure, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.
• Preoccupation, to the point of obsession, with sexual matters, including the sexuality, sexual intentions and sexual behaviors of others, and their own sexual inadequacy.
• Negative, rigid or judgmental attitudes about sex, body appearance and sexual activity.
• Shame and self-loathing over sexual experiences.
• Self-destructive behavior in order to avoid, limit or stop sex.


Conclusion

The treatment of sex addiction as a gender neutral problem has created unnecessary roadblocks to females seeking services for sex and love addiction. Although there are distinct gender differences with sex and love addiction, the problem is clearly universal. Until the popular media represents female sexual addiction in a more socially acceptable and less derogatory manner, women will be shamed out of seeking the much needed help, support and services. The mental health and addiction fields also need to overcome its own limitations regarding unsubstantiated and unsupported beliefs regarding women and sex and love addiction. Until our society's gender blindness, sexist beliefs and double standards are corrected, scores of female sex and love addicts will be deprived of timely, effective and compassionate addiction services. It is time that all mental health and addiction practitioners open their hearts, minds and offices to female sex and love addicts.

Copyright © 2011 by Ross Rosenberg. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

www.RossRosenbergTherapist.com

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Why the Sprout

By Ross Rosenberg

In creating a logo for our company, we searched for a symbol that would capture the heart of Clinical Care Consultants. After considering several options, we unanimously saw our "heart" in the photo of the hand tenderly cupping the green sprout.
This image embodies both the essence of who we are as therapists and why we are invested in our work.

This photo was more than just an image to us; it represents our collective professional identity. The symbolic nature of the sprout speaks to the spirit of the counseling experience.

The hand signifies the counselor who "holds the space" where problems are solved, healing occurs and hope is revived. Counselors support and protect their clients while helping them to grow and mature into the "plants" they were meant to be.

The soil symbolizes the counseling process without which sprouts would not grow, thrive and flourish. Because of the counseling process, or fertile soil, the sprout has an opportunity to spread its roots, create stability, endure hard times and thrive. From the soil, the spout can grow into the healthy version of itself. 


The final symbol is the sprout, which represents the person seeking counseling. Each and every one is a "sprout" at one time or another. As "sprouts," clients come to therapy as tender, vulnerable and unimagined versions of their hurt, stuck or unhealthy self. At Clinical Care Consultants, we are passionate and invested in the "growth" of all our clients. To us, it is a privilege to be included in our clients' growth.

Alcohol and Anxiety a Risky Mix for Some By Anne Harding, Health.com

(Health.com) -- Many people who experience chronic feelings of anxiety about social situations, work and relationships, or other aspects of everyday life often reach for a beer or a glass of wine to quell their unease.

Alcohol may help anxious people cope in the short term, but over time this strategy can backfire. According to a new study in the Archives of General Psychiatry, self-medicating with alcohol or drugs can increase the risk of alcoholism and other substance-abuse problems, without addressing the underlying anxiety.

"People probably believe that self-medication works," says James M. Bolton, M.D., the lead author of the study and an assistant professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Manitoba, in Winnipeg. "What people do not realize is that this quick-fix method actually makes things worse in the long term."

Self-medication for anxiety symptoms is common. In the study, which included a nationally representative sample of 34,653 American adults, 13% of the people who had consumed alcohol or drugs in the previous year said they'd done so to reduce their anxiety, fear, or panic about a situation.

An even greater proportion, roughly one-quarter, said they had similarly self-medicated with drugs. (Detailed data on the drug use was not available, but Bolton says most people were probably using prescription sedatives -- such as Xanax -- without a prescription, rather than using marijuana or illegal drugs.)

Self-medication and anxiety proved to be a hazardous combination for some of the study participants. People with diagnosed anxiety disorders who self-medicated at the start of the study were two to five times more likely than those who did not self-medicate to develop a drug or alcohol problem within three years, the study found. (The increase in risk depended on the anxiety disorder.)

In addition, people with anxiety symptoms but in whom a full-blown anxiety disorder had never been officially diagnosed were more likely to receive a diagnosis of social phobia by the end of the study if they self-medicated. Social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder, is characterized by pronounced fear or anxiety about specific situations, such as parties or speaking in public.

"Serious consequences can develop very quickly," Bolton says. "People can develop alcoholism and anxiety disorders within just three years, and these are illnesses that can have a devastating impact on a person's health, their relationships, and their financial situation."

Experts have long known that people with anxiety disorders are vulnerable to substance abuse, and vice versa, but they haven't been able to determine whether one problem precedes the other.

The new findings are significant because they are among the first to examine the relationship of anxiety symptoms and substance use in a group of people over time, says Kristen Anderson, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychology at Reed College, in Portland, Oregon. Anderson was not involved in the new study.

Bolton and his colleagues reanalyzed data from a nationwide survey, led by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, that began in 2001. Thirteen percent of the participants with an anxiety disorder who reported self-medicating with alcohol developed an alcohol problem over the three-year study period, compared with just 5% of those who did not self-medicate. Likewise, 10% of people with an anxiety disorder who self-medicated with drugs developed a drug problem, versus 2% of those who did not.

Having a glass of wine to ease the tension of a stressful day doesn't necessarily put a person at risk for becoming an alcoholic, of course. Substance abuse is heavily influenced by a person's genes and environment, Anderson says, but she adds that habitually relying on alcohol or drugs to ease anxiety at the expense of healthier coping strategies -- such as working out, talking with a friend, or taking a hot bath -- can be risky.

"I think all of us, whether we're disordered or not, need to consider the reason why we choose to use alcohol or other drugs," Anderson says. "When any of us decide to try to cope with external agents, I think it's a very slippery slope."

The shame some people feel about their anxiety and a reluctance to seek help for psychological problems are likely major factors contributing to self-medication, Bolton says.

"Unfortunately, people often do not seek the help they need because of the stigma around mental illness," he says. "People are likely to stay at home and use the resources that they have at their disposal, which in this case would be alcohol or drugs."

Maureen Carrigan, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of South Carolina-Aiken who studies addictive behaviors and anxiety disorders but wasn't involved with the new research, sees widespread self-medication as a symptom of our "quick-fix society."

Talk therapy and other treatments for anxiety are effective and can even solve the problem for good, Carrigan says, but they can be time-consuming and aren't always covered by insurance. People experiencing anxiety may not even be aware of these treatments, she adds.

"The average person doesn't always know that there are good psychological treatments that exist for some of these problems," she says.

Copyright Health Magazine 2010

(Dr. Morris) Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale

The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale is perhaps the most widely-used self-esteem measure in social science research. Dr. Morris Rosenberg was professor of Sociology at the University of Maryland from 1975 until his death in 1992. He received his Ph.D. from Columbia University in 1953, and held a variety of positions, including at Cornell University and the National Institute of Mental Health, prior to coming to Maryland. Dr. Rosenberg is the author or editor of numerous books and articles, and his work on the self-concept, particularly the dimension of self-esteem, is world-renowned. 

LINK TO THE SELF_ESTEEM SCALE

New Definition of Addiction: Addiction Is a Chronic Brain Disease, Not Just Bad Behavior or Bad Choices

http://www.asam.org/

The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) has released a new definition of addiction highlighting that addiction is a chronic brain disorder and not simply a behavioral problem involving too much alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex. This the first time ASAM has taken an official position that addiction is not solely related to problematic substance use.

When people see compulsive and damaging behaviors in friends or family members -- or public figures such as celebrities or politicians -- they often focus only on the substance use or behaviors as the problem. However, these outward behaviors are actually manifestations of an underlying disease that involves various areas of the brain, according to the new definition by ASAM, the nation's largest professional society of physicians dedicated to treating and preventing addiction.

"At its core, addiction isn't just a social problem or a moral problem or a criminal problem. It's a brain problem whose behaviors manifest in all these other areas," said Dr. Michael Miller, past president of ASAM who oversaw the development of the new definition. "Many behaviors driven by addiction are real problems and sometimes criminal acts. But the disease is about brains, not drugs. It's about underlying neurology, not outward actions."

The new definition resulted from an intensive, four-year process with more than 80 experts actively working on it, including top addiction authorities, addiction medicine clinicians and leading neuroscience researchers from across the country. The full governing board of ASAM and chapter presidents from many states took part, and there was extensive dialogue with the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA).

The new definition also describes addiction as a primary disease, meaning that it's not the result of other causes such as emotional or psychiatric problems. Addiction is also recognized as a chronic disease, like cardiovascular disease or diabetes, so it must be treated, managed and monitored over a life-time.
Two decades of advancements in neurosciences convinced ASAM that addiction needed to be redefined by what's going on in the brain. Research shows that the disease of addiction affects neurotransmission and interactions within reward circuitry of the brain, leading to addictive behaviors that supplant healthy behaviors, while memories of previous experiences with food, sex, alcohol and other drugs trigger craving and renewal of addictive behaviors. Meanwhile, brain circuitry that governs impulse control and judgment is also altered in this disease, resulting in the dysfunctional pursuit of rewards such as alcohol and other drugs. This area of the brain is still developing during teen-age years, which may be why early exposure to alcohol and drugs is related to greater likelihood of addiction later in life.

There is longstanding controversy over whether people with addiction have choice over anti-social and dangerous behaviors, said Dr. Raju Hajela, past president of the Canadian Society of Addiction Medicine and chair of the ASAM committee on the new definition. He stated that "the disease creates distortions in thinking, feelings and perceptions, which drive people to behave in ways that are not understandable to others around them. Simply put, addiction is not a choice. Addictive behaviors are a manifestation of the disease, not a cause."

"Choice still plays an important role in getting help. While the neurobiology of choice may not be fully understood, a person with addiction must make choices for a healthier life in order to enter treatment and recovery. Because there is no pill which alone can cure addiction, choosing recovery over unhealthy behaviors is necessary," Hajela said.

"Many chronic diseases require behavioral choices, such as people with heart disease choosing to eat healthier or begin exercising, in addition to medical or surgical interventions," said Dr. Miller. "So, we have to stop moralizing, blaming, controlling or smirking at the person with the disease of addiction, and start creating opportunities for individuals and families to get help and providing assistance in choosing proper treatment."

To read the full Definition of Addiction, visit: http://www.asam.org/DefinitionofAddiction-LongVersion.html

The Sex Addiction Epidemic

 

Chris Lee of the Daily Beat author of Newsweek December 2011 cover story


Valerie realized that sex was wrecking her life right around the time her second marriage disintegrated. At 30, and employed as a human-resources administrator in Phoenix, she had serially cheated on both her husbands—often with their subordinates and co-workers—logging anonymous hookups in fast-food-restaurant bathrooms, affairs with married men, and one-night stands too numerous to count. But Valerie couldn’t stop. Not even after one man’s wife aimed a shotgun at her head while catching them in flagrante delicto. Valerie called phone-sex chat lines and pored over online pornography, masturbating so compulsively that it wasn’t uncommon for her to choose her vibrator over going to work. She craved public exhibitionism, too, particularly at strip clubs, and even accepted money in exchange for sex—not out of financial necessity but for the illicit rush such acts gave her.

For Valerie, sex was a form of self-medication: to obliterate the anxiety, despair, and crippling fear of emotional intimacy that had haunted her since being abandoned as a child. “In order to soothe the loneliness and the fear of being unwanted, I was looking for love in all the wrong places,” she recalls.

After a decade of carrying on this way, Valerie hit rock bottom. Facing her second divorce as well as the end of an affair, she grew despondent and attempted to take her life by overdosing on prescription medication. Awakening in the ICU, she at last understood what she had become: a sex addict. “Through sexually acting out, I lost two marriages and a job. I ended up homeless and on food stamps,” says Valerie, who, like most sex addicts interviewed for this story, declined to provide her real name. “I was totally out of control.”

“Sex addiction” remains a controversial designation—often dismissed as a myth or providing talk-show punchlines thanks to high-profile lotharios such as Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Tiger Woods. But compulsive sexual behavior, also called hypersexual disorder, can systematically destroy a person’s life much as addictions to alcohol or drugs can. And it’s affecting an increasing number of Americans, say psychiatrists and addiction experts. “It’s a national epidemic,” says Steven Luff, coauthor of Pure Eyes: A Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity and leader of the X3LA sexual-addiction recovery groups in Hollywood.

In fact, some of the growth has been fueled by the digital revolution, which has revved up America’s carnal metab­olism. Where previous generations had to risk public embarrassment at dirty bookstores and X-rated movie theaters, the Web has made pornography accessible, free, and anonymous. An estimated 40 million people a day in the U.S. log on to some 4.2 million pornographic websites, according to the Internet Filter Software Review. And though watching porn isn’t the same as seeking out real live sex, experts say the former can be a kind of gateway drug to the latter.

“Not everyone who looks at a nude image is going to become a sex addict. But the constant exposure is going to trigger people who are susceptible,” says Dr. David Sack, chief executive of Los Angeles’s Promises Treatment Centers.

New high-tech tools are also making it easier to meet strangers for a quick romp. Smartphone apps like Grindr use GPS technology to facilitate instantaneous, no-strings gay hookups in 192 countries. The website AshleyMadison.com promises “affairs guaranteed” by connecting people looking for sex outside their marriages; the site says it has 12.2 million members.

This year the epidemic has spread to movies and TV. In November the Logo television network began airing Bad Sex, a reality series following a group of men and women with severe sexual issues, most notably addiction. And on Dec. 2, the acclaimed psychosexual drama Shame arrives in ­theaters. The movie follows Brandon (portrayed by Irish actor Michael Fassbender in a career-defining performance), a New Yorker with a libido the size of the Empire State Building. His life devolves into a blur of carnal encounters, imperiling both his job and his self-regard. In perhaps the least sexy sex scene in the history of moviedom, Brandon appears to lose all humanity during a frenzied ménage à trois with two prostitutes. “It’s a foursome with the audience,” says director and co-writer Steve McQueen. “What we were doing was actually dangerous. Not just in terms of people liking the movie, but psychologically.”

However powerful and queasy Shame’s odyssey into full-frontal debasement may be, the film only begins to tap into the dark realities connected with sex addiction. Take it from Tony, a 36-year-old from the affluent Westside of Los Angeles, who found his life thrown into turmoil by compulsive sexual behavior. “I was crippled by it,” he says. “I would go into trancelike states, lose track of what I was doing socially, professionally, spiritually. I couldn’t stop.”

He was ashamed of his tireless efforts to find women. “I was meeting girls on the basketball court, in the club, pulling my car over to meet them on the street,” Tony recalls. It took joining a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous 12-step program for him to realize that he wasn’t alone.

He also learned that his fixation on sex was a way of avoiding his insecurities and tackling the emotional issues that first led to his addictive behavior. “The addiction will take you to a place where you’re walking the streets at night, so keyed up, thinking, ‘Maybe I’ll just see if there’s anybody out there,’” he says. “Like looking for prey, kind of. You’re totally jacked up, adrenalized. One hundred percent focused on this one purpose. But my self-esteem was shot.”

Most treatment programs are modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous, but rather than pushing cold-turkey abstinence, they advocate something called “sexual sobriety.” This can take different forms, but typically involves eradicating “unwanted sexual behavior,” whether that’s obsessive masturbation or sex with hookers. “We treat it very much like sobriety for an eating disorder,” says Robert Weiss, founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles. “They have to define for themselves based on their own goals and belief systems: ‘What is healthy eating for me? Can I go to a buffet? Can I eat by myself?’ We look at your goals and figure in your sexual behaviors and validate what’s going to lead you back to the behavior you don’t want to do.”

Although sex addicts sometimes describe behavior akin to obsessive-compulsive disorder, research hasn’t directly correlated the two. But a growing body of research shows how hypersexual disorder can fit into other forms of addiction. At the Promises treatment centers, clinicians have observed a number of sex addicts who have relapsed with drugs or alcohol in order to medicate the shame they felt. Severe depression can also follow after an addict starts to confront the condition. “I realized I was not comfortable in my own skin,” says Valerie, who checked herself into four months of treatment for sex addiction at Del Amo, a private behavioral-health hospital in Torrance, Calif. “My depression came from the fear I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Fighting the obsession and rumination, the fear of loneliness and abandonment.”

(Page 3 of 3)

Sex addicts are compelled by the same heightened emotional arousal that can drive alcoholics or drug addicts to act so recklessly, say addiction experts. Research shows that substance abusers and sex addicts alike form a dependency on the brain’s pleasure-center neurotransmitter, dopamine. “It’s all about chasing that emotional high: losing yourself in image after image, prostitute after prostitute, affair after affair,” says the Sexual Recovery Institute’s Weiss. “They end up losing relationships, getting diseases, and losing jobs.”

Here’s what the experts will tell you that sex addiction is most decidedly not: a convenient excuse for sexual indiscretions and marital truancy. Chris Donaghue, a sex therapist who hosts the show Bad Sex, says Tiger Woods, for example, does not qualify as a sex addict, despite his well-documented sexcapades and treatment at a Mississippi rehabilitation center specializing in sex addiction. “Because he didn’t honor his integrity and marital boundary does not make him an addict,” Donaghue says, adding that people will say, “ ‘Because I get in trouble, because I cheat, I’ll just blame it on sex addiction. That’s my get-out-of-jail-free card.’ ”

Contrast Woods’s wild-oats sowing against the experiences of Harper, an Atlanta-born television executive who found himself caught in the grips of sex addiction for four years. After joining an online dating service, Harper fell into a pattern of juggling multiple relationships, sexting incessantly and focusing almost singlemindedly on hooking up. He discovered he could usually get his partners into bed on the first date—sometimes within the first hour of meeting. “And these weren’t desperate women,” he says.

But the fleeting ego gratification Harper derived from his conquests came at a steep price. He describes himself as living in a “stupor.” Friendships suffered, and he felt “pathetic” about his sexual urgency. The worst part, he says, was that his sex drive ultimately changed “what I think is normal,” as his tolerance grew for increasingly hard-core forms of pornography. “It really is like that monster you can’t ever fulfill,” says Harper, 30, who has avoided dating for the past eight months and attends a recovery group. “Both with the porn and the sex, something will be good for a while and then you have to move on to other stuff. The worst thing is, toward the end, I was looking at pretend incest porn. And I was like, ‘Why is something like that turning me on?!’ ”

The potential for abuse of online porn is well documented, with research showing that chronic masturbators who engage with online porn for up to 20 hours a day can suffer a “hangover” as a result of the dopamine drop-off. But there are other collateral costs. “What you look at online is going to take you offline,” says Craig Gross, a.k.a. the “Porn Pastor,” who heads XXXChurch.com, a Christian website that warns against the perils of online pornography. “You’re going to do so many things you never thought you’d do.”

Exhibit A: “We see a lot of heterosexual men who are addicted to sex and, because culturally and biologically women aren’t as readily available to have sex at all times of the day, these men will turn to gay men for gratifi­cation,” says sex therapist Donaghue. “Imagine what that does to their psychology. ‘Now am I gay? What do I tell my wife?’ ”

That wasn’t the issue for Max Dubinsky, an Ohio native and writer who went through a torturous 14-month period of online-pornography dependence. He says a big problem with his addiction was actually what it prevented him from doing. “I couldn’t hold down a healthy relationship. I couldn’t be aroused without pornography, and I was expecting way too much from the women in my life,” recalls Dubinsky, 25, who sought treatment at the X3LA recovery group and is now married.

If discussion of sex addiction can seem like an exclusive domain of men, that’s because, according to sex therapists, the overwhelming majority of self-identifying addicts—about 90 percent—are male. Women are more often categorized as “love addicts,” with a compulsive tendency to fall into dependent relationships and form unrealistic bonds with partners. That’s partly because women are more apt than men to be stigmatized by association with sex addiction, says Anna Valenti-Anderson, a sex-addiction therapist in Phoenix. “We live in a society where there’s still a lot more internalized shame for women and there’s a lot more for them to lose,” Valenti-Anderson says. “People will say, ‘She’s a bad mom’ for doing these sexual things. As opposed to, ‘She’s sick and has a disorder.’ But very slowly, women are starting to be more willing to come into treatment.”

Addicts and therapists alike say they hope a greater awareness of the disease will eventually help addicts of all genders and ages come forward and seek treatment. Many are likely to find that “sex addiction isn’t really about sex,” as Weiss puts it; it’s about “being wanted.”

X3LA’s Steven Luff says, “Sex is the perfect match for that. ‘I matter right now. In this moment, I am loved.’ In that sense, an entire culture, an entire nation is looking for meaning.”

Ross Rosenberg's DVD and Webcast Seminars

I am now providing DVD and Webcast Seminars through PESI. My training Entangled by the Web: Romance, Fantasy, Social Networking and Cybersex Addiction, is now available. The Emotional Manipulators and Codependents: Understanding the Attraction will be available soon.

 DVD and Webcast Seminars:

• Entangled by the Web: Romance, Fantasy, Social Networking and Cybersex Addiction

      Buy the DVD
      Sign up for the Webcast

•  Emotional Manipulators and Codependents: Understanding the Attraction

       Buy the DVD  (purchasing information is forthcoming)
       Sign up for the webcasts  (registration information is forthcoming)

 

http://www.rossrosenbergtherapist.com/trainings.html

Internet, Cybersex, Romance, Social Media Addiction Training

CAUGHT IN THE WEB:

Internet, Cybersex, Romance, Fantasy
and Social Networking Addiction

 December 10, 2011 

 A joint AATP of Illinois and PESI training

Olson Auditorium,

Lutheran General Hospital,  

1775 Dempster, Park Ridge, IL.

Dear Friends and Colleagues,
I would like to personally invite you to my next professional training.  Of all my trainings, "Caught in the Web" is my favorite.  It is both topical and clinically relevant to our work.  As with my other trainings, I try to deliver a training experience that is informative, applicable to our jobs and entertaining.  This is a 6 hour CEU training. 

I hope you will consider contacting AATP of Illinois to attend this training or PESI to watch it via webcast or to purchase the DVD.    If you have any questions about this or any of my other trainings, don't hesitate to contact me by email or visit my website for more information.

Sincerely,
Ross Rosenberg

Training Description:
"A new and rapidly growing population of Internet addicts has emerged. The Internet has become the global "drug" of choice. As a result of the constant technological advancements of our computers, phones and tablet devices, the Internet has never been more enticing, alluring and compelling. Due to the proliferation of online social sites for recreation, dating and other "hook-ups," it is all too easy to log-in, tune-out and engage, while never leaving the comfort of one's own home. Apart from the seemingly harmless social Internet dating options, one can schedule a sexual affair in the amount of time it takes to pour a glass of water. The Internet has become the "portal" to a new reality - virtual reality. This training is designed to address the true costs of Internet Addiction Disorder. The training will explore the impact of the seductive and addictive nature of cyber sexual, romantic, social (i.e., Facebook) and fantasy websites. The diagnostic criteria, signs, symptoms, demographics, cause/etiology and biological/neurological aspects of IAD will also be examined. Gain a fresh and comprehensive perspective on a critical phenomenon of the 21st century. "

 AATP Registration:   

PESI Registration (Webcast or DVD)
Clinical Care Consultants' Website
Ross Rosenberg's Website

Online 12-Step Sexual Addiction Meetings

The following are links to online 12-step meetings for sex addicts.  These meetings are especially helpful to individuals who are fearful of being recognized (despite the anonymity of the groups), who have driving/transportation limitations, medical issues, family/parenting challenges, and/or social anxiety.   To be clear, I strongly recommend/prefer that my sexually addicted clients attend "live" meetings.  But, when barriers are present, these online meetings are especially helpful

http://www.help4sexualaddiction.com/online-12-step-groups.html
http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/ElectronicMeetings
http://www.sarr.org/addicts/support_groups.htm
http://www.slaaonline.org/

I've Been Diagnosed with Bipolar - What's Next?

Link to Article

I've Been Diagnosed with Bipolar - What's Next?
Catherine Ness, MA, LCPC
Clinical Care Consultants
Arlington Heights, IL

A diagnosis of bipolar can seem overwhelming. You probably have many questions ranging from the prognosis to the disorder, to the medication your psychiatrist prescribed to how you ended up getting this diagnosis.

Bipolar disorder, like many disorders, is heavily based on genetics. It is likely that someone in your family has this diagnosis or demonstrates behaviors that are indicative of this diagnosis. There is nothing you did to give yourself this disorder; however, there is much you can do to manage this disorder.

Knowing about this disorder increases successful treatment outcomes. There are also various types of bipolar disorder with varying degrees of severity.

Types of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar I Disorder
Many people who are diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder describe feelings of depression most of the time. Symptoms of clinical depression include feelings of hopelessness, lack of motivation, over or under sleeping and eating, crying spells, fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate and negative thoughts about oneself which can include a desire to harm oneself.

What differentiates depression from bipolar is that persons diagnosed with bipolar have periods of time, lasting from days to months, where there is an observable change in behavior and thoughts. These unexpected changes in mood and energy level are referred to as a manic episode. For some people this change in behavior feels like complete euphoria; you feel like you can accomplish anything and you have endless energy. For others this manic state is less pleasurable and simply includes racing thoughts, inability to sit still, severe irritability, impulsive behaviors and in more severe cases psychotic episodes.

To be diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder only requires the experience of a single manic episode. Depression is not a prerequisite for this diagnosis, but is more often than not prevalent.

Bipolar II Disorder
Bipolar II Disorder involves shifts in mood from depression to hypomania. Hypomania is a term to describe manic episodes that last for four or less days. If symptoms persist longer than this it is considered a full manic episode and meets criteria for bipolar I.
Hypomania is characterized by a distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least 4 days, that is clearly different from the person's usual mood. Mania, on the other hand, includes symptoms of psychotic or impaired thinking, grandiosity, poor judgment and impaired day to day functioning

Rapid Cycling Bipolar
A term used to describe the rate at which mood swings occur is rapid cycling, which involves more frequent ups and downs; a significant change in mood occurring over a month, week or even in a day. It is not uncommon for people to have mood swings based on something good or bad happening throughout the day. Persons diagnosed with bipolar disorder, however, have extreme mood changes that meet clinical criteria for depression and mania. These individuals also have trouble finding a “moderate mood,” in other words, feeling neither depressed nor overly excited/happy for an extended period of time.

Cyclothymic Disorder
Cyclothymic disorder describes more moderate mood swings from hypomania to a more mild form of depression. Persons diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder usually notice more frequent mood swings than those diagnosed with bipolar I and II. With this disorder, there is a higher level of functioning (less impairment).

Treatment Options
The reason it is important to identify if someone has had even one single manic episode is most significant in finding an effective medication. An anti-depressant may be appropriate for a diagnosis of depression, but if someone has had a manic episode in the past, an anti-depressant may actually trigger a manic episode. In these cases, a mood-stabilizer tends to be a more effective option.

There are many different types of mood stabilizers available and, unfortunately, there is no way to know which medication will work most effectively for an individual. Therefore, it is important that you see a psychiatrist who will work with you to determine the effectiveness of the medication. Also, it is important to have a dialogue with a counselor about progress or possible need to change medication.
.
Psychotherapy or counseling for Bipolar Disorder is very similar to the treatment of depression. When I work with individuals who are experiencing depression, I try to understand how this profound sadness is affecting their lives. I connect with each client so that I can better understand their specific concerns. In addition, I help clients identify triggers for their depression or manic episodes so that they can feel more in control of their lives and no longer a victim of their emotions. I utilize cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) to help manage the negative, anxious, and fearful thoughts that are common with Bipolar Disorder. CBT is an ideal therapy approach to help with negative thinking, feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness. I instill a hope that, even with this disorder, life can be manageable and happiness and success can be obtained.

Catherine Ness, MA, LCPC
Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Psychotherapist
(847) 749-0514 ext.15
nessccc@gmail.com
http://nesstherapy.snappages.com

Going National!

I am happy to announce that PESI has hired me to give my training Emotional Manipulators and Codependents: Understanding the Attraction.  These three day "training tours" will occur in February and March of 2012.  The first tour will be in the Philadelphia PA area and second in the Seattle WA area. 

The description of the training is as follows:
Emotional Manipulators and Codependents are perpetually and inevitably drawn to each other.  The attraction dynamic is so strong that both partners pursue each other despite therapeutic interventions, multiple failed relationships and painful consequences.  This seminar investigates the relationship dynamic that irresistibly draws emotional manipulators (Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Personality Disorders) and Codependents together. 

Using a unique, fresh and innovative approach, Mr. Rosenberg will explain the fundamentals of this attraction dynamic.  He will describe the nature of these binding relationships, which are often immune to personal or professional assistance.  He will introduce his “Continuum of Self” model, which ties together the complex web of underlying psychological forces that inescapably draws the Emotional Manipulators and Codependent into enduring and mutually inescapable relationship.  The training will explore why these two personality types exist in an intense, fluid and self-correcting system that creates an enduring magnetic attraction.

This program familiarizes mental health care professionals with the destructive nature of this relationship type.  Participants will learn what drives Emotional Manipulators and Codependents’ relationships.  Most importantly, professionals will learn how to help the Codependent victims recognize their own propensity to be attracted to Emotional Manipulators while teaching them how to help minimize their victimization.  With an understanding of this “magnetic" relationship force, psychotherapeutic efforts can be more focused and effective.  At the end of the day, attendees will leave with a deeper understanding of the Emotional Manipulation, Codependency and the relationship dynamic between the two, as well as with methods to assist Codependents in disengaging from Emotional Manipulators.
Registration Details are forthcoming

Clinical Care Consultants'

Chicago Area Networking Event

October 14, 2011

Most mental health practitioners understand that networking and marketing is vital to the development and maintenance of a clinical practice. There are so many of us who are unintentionally disconnected from the greater mental health community. The demands of our personal lives, families and jobs can keep us far away from each other.

Think about it: how many times has someone mentioned another therapist's name and you had no clue who they were? CCC aims to change that for many Chicago and Chicago Suburban psychotherapists.

Our livelihoods rest on our ability to bring in new clients, receive referrals and develop strategies to create revenue-generating services. Because the Chicago metro area lacks a networking group for psychotherapists, Clinical Care Consultants is initiating such a program.

The event/meeting will occur every 2 months. The 2 hour meeting will be the perfect place for Chicago and Chicago Suburban area therapists to meet, get to know each other and network. A continental breakfast will be served. The typical meeting will consist of greeting and socializing, introductions, scheduled presentations from members, trainings about marketing and networking and more networking. Guest speakers will be invited.

The events will be led by Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, Clinical Care Consultants' owner and psychotherapist, and the CCC therapists: Dick Levon, ATR, LCSW; and Catherine Ness, M.A., LCPC.

The July 29th Clinical Care Consultants' Networking Event was a resounding success. A total of 23 practitioners participated. There was a great deal of positive energy and enthusiasm for this event. The feedback from the participants was positive across the board. To further the networking mandate of the group, we are collecting contact and referral information of participants. Barbara Wahler has volunteered to work on this project. Each participant will have access to the information of the group he/she attended.

The next networking event is scheduled for October 15, 2011 at Indian Trails Public Library in Wheeling IL. It will take place at 10am and last two hours. The library is located at 355 Schoenbeck Rd, Wheeling, IL 60090. The library's phone number is (847) 459-4100. There will be a $10 fee. Please RSVP by calling Nancy Cole a call at (847) 749-0514 ext 10 or email her at Ncoleccc@gmail.com Serving Chicago's North & NW Suburbs Arlington Heights, Barrington, Buffalo Grove, Inverness, Kildeer, Lincolnshire, Long Grove, Mt. Prospect, Palatine, Prospect Heights & Wheeling

Postpartum Depression: You’re Still a Great Mom!

Postpartum Depression: You’re Still a Great Mom!
By: Catherine Ness, MA, LCPC
Clinical Care Consultants

What is Postpartum Depression?

The first few weeks following a delivery tends to be an emotional rollercoaster for almost all women: You are adjusting physically, emotionally and psychologically to adding a new member to your family. Whether this is your first child or your seventh child, you are likely to experience fatigue, aches and pains, mood swings and periods of frustration. These symptoms are very normal during the first few weeks following birth. However, when you are constantly feeling overwhelmed, depressed and not able to see a light at the end of the tunnel several months following your child’s birth, you may be experiencing postpartum depression.

Major depression symptoms include: feelings of sadness, excessive tearfulness, feelings of hopelessness, trouble sleeping or oversleeping, weight loss or weight gain, irritability, increased use of substances (drugs, alcohol), loss of pleasure in activities that one use to enjoy, difficulty concentrating and thoughts about harming oneself.

Symptoms of postpartum depression can vary from mother to mother. These symptoms can range from feeling sad and experiencing tearfulness on a daily basis, to feeling resentment towards your child and having fleeting thoughts of harming your child. It is important to differentiate between major depression and postpartum depression. If you were experiencing significant depressive symptoms prior to pregnancy, the birth of your child, significant hormonal changes and the stressors of being a mother may be adding to a pre-existing depressive disorder.

Why Do I Feel this Way?
There are numerous reasons why women experience postpartum depression. If your child has colic and you have not had a good night sleep for the last 4 months, common sense dictates that you are physically exhausted which significantly affects your mood. Lack of a sufficient support system can also pay a large part in developing depression because you are not able to take time for yourself. For first time mothers who had specific expectations about a smiling, cooing infant who sleeps through the night and find that they have an infant who seems to never sleep and impossible to console, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Financial stressors, guilt over returning to work or feeling of a loss of personal identity, guilt over not wanting to breastfeed or being unable to breastfeed and marital stress can also play a part in developing these emotions. And as previously mentioned, if you had been dealing with depressive symptoms prior to pregnancy, postpartum issues may exacerbate these underlying issues.

What Can I Do?
The good news about postpartum depression is that the prognosis for improving your mood is high once treatment is sought. Individual therapy can be an invaluable tool in determining your specific trigger for these trouble thoughts and feelings and formulating a plan to improve your mood, decrease stress levels and learn how to enjoy motherhood. As a new mother myself, I understand how coordinating care of your child, working and making time for yourself can seem like a daunting challenge. I also understand each mother faces her own specific challenges and each situation is unique to mother and child. Therefore, I utilize emotion-focused therapy, empathizing with each mother’s personal struggles and first focusing on addressing distressing emotions and then challenging negative thoughts. Treatment also includes identifying personal triggers for depressive symptoms and attacking these triggers one-by-one. Additionally, I assist you in building self-confidence and improving self-esteem so that you feel prepared to handle the challenges that lay ahead.

Group therapy is also beneficial because you are able to meet other women who are experiencing similar difficulties, letting you know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. It is also important that you let your OBGYN or even your child’s pediatrician know that you are struggling. If you do have people who you can rely on, a spouse, partner, family or friends, do not be afraid to reach out to these people for support even if it means just having someone watch your child while you go to a movie or if you want to go shopping solo.

Whatever your course of action, make sure that you reach out to someone. Part of being a great mother is recognizing when you need help. Experiencing these feelings have nothing to do with your ability to be a great mother, but they can get in the way of enjoying motherhood.